I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
