I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
