I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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