if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
