so explain again why im purple
no
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
