I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
