Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
