I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
