nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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