I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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