i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm getting married
To pizza
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
