I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize