i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
