I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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