piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
