McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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