I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
