we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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