I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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