I skipped work to stalk him.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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