we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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