the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
