I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if only i could text you this smell
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
vagina is talking i cant
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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