The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
