Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
