The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
