I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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