its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
