Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
