Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
