If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
