im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
