dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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