Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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