All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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