My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
