Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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