but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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