he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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