I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
