Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
