so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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