This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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