I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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