Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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