i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
