called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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