I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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