oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
