I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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