I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
