oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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