we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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