forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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