I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So much rum. So many feels.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
