i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
