SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
