i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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