420 ftw
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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