he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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