If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
