A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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