ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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