Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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