very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
