Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
