Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
