She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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