fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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