I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
