Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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